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He was a very flamboyant thief, everybody agreed, and it was entirely incomprehensible how he'd managed to not be caught so far. I mean, look at him! Harlequin costume, dangling out of windows, laving behind calling cards--heck, sending calling cards ahead so that owners would know to polish their jewelry properly so that it would soon be on display!? Impossible. And so that was what he became known as: the impossible thief. They never knew just how close to right they were, for he was a Philosopher, not a thief, and stole only to pay for his Philosophy. Once you get past the stiles who stood on stones and let worms eat them, Philosophy became a much more serious, and luxurious, profession.

Inspiration: Voices in my head.
Story Potential: Medium. High
Notes: Something to do with observability making reality and laws of probability, etc. Not so much in terms of story, though I suppose it could be fun to do a series of stories in which different philosophies account for the way the theft is done. Okay, maybe that would be a fun challenge. And very 1920s, somehow.
The click of the hammer pulling back made him smile. He'd got them then, and he knew it. They, of course, suffered from the natural misapprehension that they'd got him--or who they thought he was, a rich merchant traveling to see his squaw far out of town. He wondered what Frozen Deer thought of this whole scheme. She'd shaken her head at the incomprehensibility of the things he'd found important when he explained what he was doing. The bandits hadn't killed any of his kin or family, they hadn't killed the buffalo he hunted. She understood why he'd do it for the money, but part of what her job was was making sure that everybody had a guilty feeling when they took that as a reason for doing anything. And she knew that he'd see right through the shaking of her head. He'd been apprenticed to her for almost ten years, now, since he wandered into camp as a boy of a hair shy of fifteen, blood on his hands--

Inspiration: "Wind It Up" - Barenaked Ladies
Story Potential: Medium
Notes: If I *did* write it, I'd have to get rid of the Native American stuff--I'm so unqualified to get the culture and the mores and the mysticism and work it properly in with the sort of urban fantasy/new weird/western that this is.
His accomplice was waiting in the storm drain. It was the work of a moment to stoop as if typing his shoe, and drop down the bracelet instead. The rat winked one red eye at him, snatched the beaded thing between its teeth, and scuttled off to King Rat, who was planning on collecting a hefty cut of the profit. He straightened and walked on. "Hey, you, wait!" shouted one of the security guards behind him. They were slow,. slow as planned. He'd made himself a slower, so the alarm on the door didn't beep until he was fifteen feet away--and above the storm drain. He turned, affecting a bewildered expression as the guards charged over. "Yes, is there--"

Inspiration: "accomplice"
Story Potential: High.
Notes: There's been a lot of the modern fantasy police procedurals, but not as many modern fantasy thief stories. A few, but not as many. And it could be quite fun, I think.

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penthius

January 2025

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